Where am I?

I've been told I should start blogging. How embarrassing! I've outed myself as yet another closet writer in the sea of wannabees. Anyway - I just got back from CA. I took some notes on my host family of five adults, one (my) pre teen birth daughter, and a two year old little girl:

This house is a war zone. Dirty. Wasted. Sacrificed to the go go go that is California. Walking barefoot is sure to blacken my feet upon initial contact, and I collect small flecks of hard, sticky food with each additional step. Every kitchen drawer swaggers lazily off a broken track with a bottom coated by slimy film-an ode to every former culinary experiment tested on the counter surface above. Towels are strewn about soggy and smelling of the mildew soon to be visible. I washed dishes. I mopped the floor. I did numerous loads of laundry, but soon, I too, succumbed to the insurmountable wasteland. I could only accept these truths:

1)There will be no toilet paper. There are several packages in the hall closet, but none in any of the bathrooms. The person who uses the last of it cannot be expected to replace it.

2)If you put it down, and you have not adequately hidden it, it will be gone when you return. And not because the two year old moved it. Should you be lucky enough to locate it, it will most likely be soiled, broken, sandy and/or unravelled by the time you find it.

3)Your plans to leave the house are futile. No individual is responsible for their keys or gasoline tank, thus anyone's car is subject to confiscation should it be "needed" due to someone else's misplacement of keys or lack of gasoline. Please be advised that all plans involving transportation are subject to vehicle availability.

4) Cats can hear you. If you are trying to set a trap for a Ferrel cat who has inflicted wounds on the host family's beloved house cats, forcing the owner to incur high vet costs, it is best to do so in the neighbors backyard. But if you do, be SURE to not watch the cat as it approaches said trap (even if observing from a well removed upstairs window), and to not speak too loudly (though all storm windows are shut tight) because the cat can HEAR you. It is also psychic and will not take the bait because you scared it off by watching! Hocus, pocus Discovery Channel...

5) We shall starve before we go Non-Organic! There is enough change lying about the house for a month of groceries. Food is left out to rot. Children are presented with full sized portions , most of which gets thrown away. Numerous times the "Lack of Funds" subject is raised, and I can't help but see every electric light on, every drive to the next town for a single item, the four dollar organic strawberry basket, the laptops, the cell phones, the top of the line everything...

6)The Matriarch is the Princess. The Lady of the house WILL NOT:
Clean. Ever. Come home if she doesn't want too. Adjust her plans. Accommodate guests. Touch her pets. Leave an allergy undiagnosed or unexplained. Take one for the team. Be considerate. Make a decision and stick with it. Give her undivided attention. Take responsibility. Prepare dinner for anyone but herself. Contemplate opinions contrary to her own. Take note of her own hypocrisy.

7) First come, First served. Anything you see, smell, touch or want must be had immediately. Should you require a clean bowl, a cup of coffee, a shower, CARPE DIEM! Once you have obtained what cannot be shared, busy yourself so as not to hear the whinery of the proverbial late bird. The only observed exception to this policy appears to be Rice Milk.

All in all it has been a fine trip. BD (birth daughter) and I managed to lay claim to a vehicle and run out to catch a movie. We had our knitting time and our cuddle time. She made me laugh when I least expected it and when I most needed it and several times in between. The fog visited in ernest one night, though I realized I'd made it much more beautiful in my mind (still, it beats the heck out of the MT summer heat). BD and her im-ing computer seem like they'll survive until I can manage to pull together enough funds for the next trip - hopefully she can come to me for that one. As of this writing, I am ready to pop some pills, hop a plane, and get home to the big eMpTy where my friends are, where the people are kind, where I live with my cat, where I feel most at home...