Letter to a 12 year old riding across country

Dearest girl,
What an adventure you are on - as if being 12 wasn't adventure enough, right? But even adventures under duress can strengthen us. You come from strong stock, my love.

I don't want to assume I know how you feel, though I do imagine some things that have been universal on my own road trips - though most of my trips have been filled with the promise of someday being home again. Are you feeling grungy yet? Is your hair a greasy ball? Are you sick of your traveling companion-snapping at each other for small infringements of personal space? I'd bet the passing landscapes allow you to reflect and make you feel sad about those you have left. Did you get a chance to say goodbye? Are you sick of road food? Do you sense that this is all a little odd?

I wonder if you have realised that most people would consider your situation to be pretty extreme, and I wonder, should this have already occurred to you, if that would make you want to defend how things are or not. I know that defending one's reality is the best one can do sometimes just to get by. And whatever you need to do to get by, my love, that is what I hope you can do.

So. Here we are. Another piece of chaos in a life filled with the unexpected and the unimaginable and the unstable. When put that way - you really are not alone. We all are subject to these things in some way or another-at some time or another. I won't be surprised if you venture onto your own without delusion, my love. And this may make things easier then.

I hope you know first and foremost that I love you. That I will go to the ends of the earth for you and exhaust all my resources to maintain our connection. I want you to know that you are right - this is not fair. I want you to feel safe and know that it isn't necessary to take on the fears and habits of those you love - those who look after you. You have choices. Sometimes you may find you need help to see those choices and then to make those choices, but you will have them waiting patiently for you when you are ready. Sometimes I do not see my self worth, and many people struggle with this. When I struggle with it, I think of you, and I think of how much I want to be here just in case you need me. Or even just want me or would like me to be there for you. If you find yourself doubting your own self worth or feeling like you want to give up or give in or just not take very good care of yourself, please think of me. We could make a pact.
I won't pretend, as I've told you before (that time when you spent a week with me in SC in my little apartment when you were 9), that I can explain why things happen the way they do. Inevitably the timing is all f..ed up and things can be sad and things can be unfair. But I will say that I have never had a single moment when I wasn't so very very pleased to know you are on this planet with me. Some people say life is the biggest gift you can give - blahblahblah. Maybe, maybe not. But I will say this. I am not the type that makes some ugly xmas "thing" and then makes mention of it when I notice it has not been kept on display. I am not the type that will give money when someone is in desperate need, then judge them for ordering a pizza. I've given you this life to do with as you wish. I am so very, very sorry that you are not of age to make your own decisions and take ultimate advantage of this gift - but that is childhood and adolescence for you. I would prefer you to take care of yourself in the best ways you can, but it is your life. You keep it. And I will continue to feel so honored to even have a tiny part within it.
As you travel across all those states, and ultimately land in some unknown and unfamiliar place, just keep breathing. Pay close attention to your feet and your toes and your hands and your heart. These will help you when your head is going crazy. Stay in your perfect little body and remember we will get through this. We will get through this.

And you know how I know? Because you are incredibly LOVABLE. So charming and endearing and kind. People will see that. Even people who have grown up in little towns and aren't used to meeting new people. Even teenagers. You will make new friends - even if it takes a while to earn their trust. The light inside of you is so bright that nothing you could do or not do can dim it. Trust this. Believe this. And if you need help remembering, you call me.

More love than you could possibly imagine,
On all your travels as always,
Mumenshmantz