Public Flogging of Fat Myths!

I was getting ready to go to a "function" this evening where I would be meeting some people I'd never met before. I was tired. I was down. The thought of being friendly and outgoing to a group of strangers did not appeal to me, but I had already submitted my RSVP, and felt somewhat obligated to participate. I thought perhaps I could make myself a drink, suck it up, and get out there...until I started getting dressed. As I sorted through my apparel collection, and found several pairs of pants that couldn't be buttoned, I noticed a small obnoxious voice surface at the back of my consciousness. What? What was that, o' love of my life? You kind and generous spirit without form? Turns out the little voice agreed that I should not participate in the evening's scheduled activities because (get this) I'm too fat to meet new people. The funny - and I do mean hilarious - thing about this was it's striking similarity to other thoughts I've had. Why this very afternoon I pondered going into a store I was passing where I knew there were fellow knitters inside. Then I realized some of them had not seen me in a while, and they might notice how much weight I'd gained. I walked right by the entrance.
Clearly my plan of trying to metamorphose my self talk from "OMG, I'm the fatest I've ever been" into "Well, this may be the thinnest I'll ever be again" has not worked as planned. Nor have several other attempts at making peace with this onslaught of poundage. I kind of understand that the Thyroid thing is to blame, yet I find myself telling anyone within ear shot that I ride my bike everywhere, and I eat reasonably healthy with average portions. And god forbid I should want some fries - oh boy. Tsk Tsk Tsk. I am constantly aware of what I order at restaurants and consistently preoccupied with noting all the new little bumps under my skin where the fat is hiding . I find myself to be losing self confidence even faster than I'm putting on the pounds. So what does one say to this? Well, clearly one must mock it. One must speak out and reveal the ridiculousness of the claims little voice has made! In this vein, I expose the following bull shit arguments and ask you all, dear readers, to join me in their public denouncement!

1) People look at you and think you're disgusting.
2) You've become "one of those fat people with too many tattoos" who, in a last ditch effort to make themselves attractive splattered ink all over the place - hoping to distract others from their size.
3) Big girls are not sexy. Once you're beyond "Curvy," time to turn out the lights. Any suitors should be viewed with suspicion as they probably are just indulging in their fetish. Oh - and it's granny panties from here on out.